I want my car!

My car was due for service so I arranged to have it serviced at my former place of employment. It would be a great way to see my former co-workers, show off my children in person and knock out the service. 

We arrived at the dealership, unloaded the children and dropped my keys off to the service advisor. I grabbed some donuts for Charlie and Ella and sat them at a high-top table. Our car was pulled around to the service bay next to our courtesy vehicle. 

Charlie and Ella finished their donuts and we went out to switch the car seats. Ella stood by the building with a perplexed look on her face. I was not sure what her mind was drumming up, but there was definitely confusion of some type. With the seats installed I began to load the kids. 

The car that we were would be borrowing was the exact same model with the exact same interior. The only difference was the exterior color. Charlie thought that it was cool to have a different car. As long as it had a panorama roof, he was good. Charlie hopped in and clicked his buckles. I placed Ella in her seat and she became upset. She asked where our car was. I tried to explain to her scattered three year old mind what was going on. It was not making sense to her. 

I spent a minute trying to allow her to get used to the "new" car, which I remind you, was the same as our car. Nothing was working. This car was white, our car is black. This car had a number on the windshield, our car does not. The difference was too much for a princess to handle. There was a total nuclear meltdown happening. See for yourself.

Official Parent Status!

It just hit me that I have reached official Parent status. The family loaded into the new "family car", the kids were half dressed in play clothes and flip-flops. The wife had thrown on some casual attire, hair pulled back in a headband, a dab of foundation and flip-flops. I was decked out in my paint splattered Mt Dew t-shirt, saw dust covered cargo shorts and I probably wreaked of sweat and wood. The big plan for the evening, puzzles and wine! 

We had a fun trip to the store. Ella destroyed the local Dollar Tree, as usual, and Charlie spent seven years trying to decide between glow sticks or a blow up tropical bird. None-the-less we were spending time together and emptying Daddy's pocket book. 

Our Dollar Tree stop was precluded by a quick trip to Walgreens. We were excited to grab a cheap bottle of wine to get turnt up on. Yep, turnt. Because we are cool like that. With a bottle of Mescato in hand, a toy Virgin Mary, glow sticks, two puzzles and some flarp, we headed home to our typical "family style home" in the suburbs. 

The kids played with their new treasures while Jamie poured us a glass of wine in a red Solo cup. Ella wanted some "Apple Juice" too. The thought quickly flashed through my mind that she would go to sleep earlier but, we refrained due to that whole legal thing about underage drinking and child abuse. 

 

After a few minutes of playing and winding down the children were tucked into bed and Puzzle time began. The wine was going down smooth. After a few sips I started thinking. "I have reached official Parent status." What in the world had happened? Two kids, a family vehicle, wine in a Solo cup and puzzle time! Help! 

This can not be happening. I am staying up all night to finish this puzzle and prove that I am still young! Being the light-weights that we are Jamie and I got turnt quick! By turnt I mean sleepy. With half of the puzzle finished and the wine all gone we surrendered to our worn out brains and bodies and headed to bed. It was late though. If 11:27 is late for old people.

I was Paralyzed!

If you have not heard, a friend and I have started a company called Sap & Suds. We make home decor, laundry detergent and bombs. Bath bombs, not "BOOM! destruction bombs", "Fizz, fizz, AH! that smells amazing and makes my skin feel great!" bombs. A portion of our decor is rustic signs. I was working on a sign and everything was going great. I was cleaning up some edges on a few planks when all of a sudden I felt a bear claw grab me by the side and squeeze and rip my rib cage. I could not breathe, I could not move and I was home alone with the children. Luckily I had already turned the table saw off or I would probably be missing a hand.

I thought to myself "This is it, I am going down. The lord is taking me home and my kids are in the backyard in their underwear and my daughter is covered in marker."

I considered my options:

1. Lay across the table saw and try to stretch it out. Bad Idea, The button is red, Ella likes red, Ella grabs the button, My gut would be split open and it would be instant death.
2. Lay on the floor and try to relax. Bad idea, nails everywhere, instant tetanus.
3. There really is no other option because I could not move.

The pain finally let up enough to allow me to take a breath and move to the back door. As I approached the door I was snagged again by the claws of death. Now my kids are going to see me in my last moment and be scarred for life. I have a passcode on my phone and I do not think that Charlie knows to call 911. Ella is going to draw on my face and probably put a princess crown on my head. I expected death and my last thoughts to be much different, but parenthood does strange things to your brain.

I remained on my feet and grabbed the nearest object that I could find to hang on to. I grunted through the pain and tried to take a deep breath to ensure oxygen continued to flow to my brain. I was finally able to call out to Charlie and Ella to come in. In typical Charlie fashion he asked "Why?"

"Seriously kid? I am dying here and just want to show you how to dial 911 if Daddy goes down. I also want to ensure that Ella does not make me look like a drag queen after I pass out." These were just the thoughts in my head. I did not say this out loud.

I was finally able to wrangle the children into the house while trying to put on a tough face so they did not become scared or worried. They could tell that something was wrong. Maybe it was the fact that I was contorted like The Hunch Back of Notre Dame or that I was talking like Carl from Sling Blade. The pain was excruciating!

"How was I going to function for the rest of the evening with two kids and Jamie gone for a few hours?"

Ella had been playing in the pool and instantly ripped her diaper off when coming through the door. She had sand and dirt everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean in places that sand should not be. Charlie had sand around his eyes and both kids looked like I just picked them up from the "Neediest Kids of All". Ella had remnants of her "Valentines" face paint from the zoo streaking down her face like a warrior princess that just sacrificed a hog. Charlie's Nemo face paint now looked like Nemo grew an extremely long......"Fin".

I was practically paralyzed, my daughter looks like a hot mess and my son has an inappropriate face painting. "Please lord do not let me have to call anyone to come save me." I can only imagine what someone would think if they showed up to this circus. I text Jamie to let her know what was going down. I was trying to tough it out, but I may need you. She said, "Call your mom if you need someone." So much for sickness and health. Death is knocking on my door and I get a "Call your mom." She immediately sent another text that said " I did not mean that in a nasty way." I knew that and I knew that I had not relayed the severity of my situation.

I sat in my chair and as I passed the threshold of my upper extension limit the claw grabbed me again. I was done. I could not move to get back up, I could not turn my head and if I moved my arm the pain became worse. My children were going to starve to death because I was unable to get up and feed them. After about three hours of sitting idly I was able to get out of the chair and drag myself around like Quasimodo. The kids had found a few snacks in the pantry. I think that they took full advantage of my disability and smuggled some gummy worms, cookies and any other sugary treat that they could find. Oh well, they were learning survival skills and that is what parenting is about. Teaching your children to fend for themselves.

I managed to get the kids to pick up their toys, vacuum the floor, wipe down the counter and tables and bathe themselves. The lesson that I learned in all of this is that if your children think that you are cursed, then they will clean your house to try and change you back. Or, it could be that grunting orders through pain sounds really demonic and they are scared of you. Either way, it worked.

Jamie arrived home to find the kids in their beds, a semi-clean house and a husband stuck on the edge of his chair like The Thinker. She still did not understand the severity of the situation until I called off of work the next day. A true sign that I was not up to par. That "Call your mom" turned into a "Let me take care of you" and that is why I love her. She still picked on me and my Quasimodo posture, but she got me all fixed up.

You can review Sap & Suds products by clicking here.

Rudolph Pancakes!

Every July Charlie starts his transformation into a reindeer. This event is typically triggered by the presence of Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby. I guess that when you are born on Christmas Day you are also born with the Christmas spirit or the delusion that you are a reindeer in a humans body.

Along with the transformation comes Christmas music videos on continual loops, Santa hats, reindeer toys, and everything Rudolph. Rudolph noses, Rudolph plates and cups, Rudolph stickers and Rudolph pancakes. Yes, I was asked to honor the most celebrated reindeer in history with a pancake portrait. 

It is hard for me to turn down a challenge from a four year old so I accepted and started brain storming. I had some concerns since I would rank my artistic ability as "non-existent". I watched some YouTube videos on pancake art and just laughed at the incredible talent that I had to compete with. The videos made me anxious. How was I going to keep my "hero" status if I screwed up a Rudolph pancake for Father Christmas himself? 

The pressure was on. I turned on the griddle, measured out the ingredients and let the kids mix them up. My best chance of success was to create a diversion. I grabbed the chocolate chips and made sure the attention was on how many chocolate chips they would get on their pancake. This is a great tactic to lower the standards of a two and four year old. 

I started outlining the reindeer on the griddle. Father Christmas was watching me work with eyes wide open. He barked out a few orders and demands. A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. I just finished the outline and Father Christmas exclaimed "That looks like a dolphin!" I was doomed! I just ignored the outburst and continued my work. I threw some antler looking things on the "dolphin" and filled in the main area of the face.

After cooking for a few minutes and praying that baby Jesus would let me flip this thing without incident I grabbed the spatula. Everything went into slow motion. The biggest challenge of my life was upon me. I could go from hero to zero with one small flick of the wrist. I slid the spatula under the dolphin with antlers pancake, gently raised the corner and quickly but smoothly flipped that flap jack like a pro. Everything stayed intact. Thank you lord. I received a standing ovation from Father Christmas and Sister Elf. I am still able to carry my torch as the best dad ever.

I threw on some chocolate chips for eyes and a mouth and a strawberry represented the shiny red nose. It was smiles all around. Now I had to make a second one for Sister Elf.....

Smoothie Number One

I started the smoothie detox today and I was looking forward to the chocolate covered strawberry smoothie. Yes, dark chocolate is actually good for you. I normally do not care for dark chocolate, but when a diet calls for it, you throw it in.

The recipe called for strawberries, dark chocolate, coconut milk and ice. I dumped everything into the blender and let it roll. I could hear the ice hitting the blades, but it was not being ground up. This created a watery mix which is not very good in a smoothie.

I continued to try to blend the ice, but I finally gave up and just took the ice out of the mixture. Unfortunately, I could not get the water out. At this point I was staring at a beautiful cup of charcoal. The chocolate made the mixture black and the strawberries created a porous, cooling lava consistency. I thought, "it can not taste that bad, it has chocolate in it." 

I turned the glass up and took a gulp. I am pretty sure that I tasted the bowels of hell. Watered down, ground up, strawberries and chocolate is like drinking chalk and Elmer's glue. This was not the way that I wanted to start this program. I had some high hopes that smoothies would be delicious and an easy replacement for meals. 5 minutes in and I was defeated. 

I threw out the activated charcoal recipe and just enjoyed a berry smoothie and salad for lunch. This was not a normal salad that I typically load up with cheese and bacon bits, smothered in ranch dressing. This was a lettuce, spinach, tomato, olive and broccoli salad, drizzled with olive oil and vinegar dressing. I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end.

No artificial sugars, caffeine or meat is not normal for me. I already have some cravings, but I will stay strong and get through this, even if I have to drink charcoal.

Please comment with any smoothie tips or recipes. It will be a long 7 days without them.

Happy New Year!

Here we are again at the start of a new year and we are all jacked up on our big plans for 2016. Most of us want to lose weight or save money or try to make our lives better in some way. Personally, I plan to eat healthier, work out more, and slow the ever present aging process. Most resolutions are kept for about a week then all of a sudden we get side tracked.


"There was a birthday party and I had to eat cake." I know this one very well.


"I am trying not to cuss this year but, the drive up 75 North is maddening and a few expletives slipped from my mouth." I think that this came from my grandma's mouth.


"The gym is crowded and it was not worth going." Every gym membership holder ever.


This year is going to be different. Put your head down and go full force with your will power! I am starting with a smoothie detox and plan to continue through the year with a gluten free diet. It is amazing how your diet can affect your skin, hair, sleep, energy level and mood. I blame my balding head on the kids, not necessarily my diet.


I have printed off several recipes for smoothies to choose from. Some are good morning motivators, others are meal replacers and a few are for post workout. You can pretty much throw whatever you want into a blender and make a smoothie however, I suggest that you follow some proven concoctions until you know what works. You do not want to be deterred immediately at the beginning of the diet. I really look forward to the coca smoothie!


So far, everyone that I have told about my smoothie plan has looked at me like I have two heads. Is it really that crazy of an idea? I think that most people do not realize that they are constantly feeding their body junk. The junk taste great and our brain tells us to eat more however, all of the processed food that we eat is like dumping oil sludge into your car engine. "It-ain't-good."


I encourage all of you, no matter your resolution, to achieve your goal this year. Start by choosing one or two resolutions that are truly achievable. Make a plan. Track your progress. Set an actual goal and do not just say you want to lose weight. Specify if you want to lose 5, 10 or 15 pounds and give yourself a deadline by issuing a 1 pound per week goal.


I will do my best to keep you updated with my progress and hopefully it helps keep you motivated with your resolution. The annual "Flab-a-thon" at work should help keep me motivated.

Penguin Patrol

We had quite a busy day yesterday. We started the day off thinking it was going to be a lazy Friday when Jamie announced that we had an opportunity to go see some penguins up close and personal. We were pushed into frantic mode when she then announced at 9:58 that the "show" started at 10:00.

We are used to frantically packing up and getting ready since our house has been for sale and we have received several short notices for showings. We threw a cute outfit on El topped her off with a bow, dressed Charlie in his usual "I don't care what I look like as long as I am comfortable wardrobe and we headed out-the-door.

We arrived at our destination to find that the closest parking spot was about 7 light years away from the door. Being my chivalrous self, I dropped the family at the door and prepared for a hike. After a 10 minute walk from Scooby Doo 2 I arrived at the check-in desk. The officer asked my name and let me know that my wife had my badge. She then just stared at me like her central computer went into sleep mode. 

I said "Umm...where do I go to find my wife that has my badge?" 

She replied "In there." Pointing to a secured door that can not be entered without a badge. I thought to myself, "You are BRILLIANT!" I text Jamie to come get me and she must have been reading my mind because she simultaneously met me at the door. The rush to leave the house, the 8 mile hike and the enlightening encounter with Deputy Dog was all worth it. 

Warning:The following pictures contain all kinds of cuteness. 

Ella immediately tried to capture the penguin to take him home.

Charlie brought his dinosaur along and was a bit shy at first.

Ella could not get enough of this cute and wild creature.

Charlie finally warmed up a bit and gave the penguin a pet or two.

Don't worry. This penguin is a species from South Africa and is used to warm climates. No ice required for this girl named Simon.

This was just the first stop of our day. To be continued...

To see Simon, visit the Newport Aquarium in Newport, KY.

Ella Want A Cracker

Ella has inherited a great mix of resourcefulness and comedy from Jamie and I. She also eats more than any child I have ever seen. If you put all of those traits together you get this.

What a great way to save your food for later and not forget about it. It's like a post-it note, but tastier. Just lick and stick. Boom! There you go. Afternoon snack packed and ready for easy retrieval.

Headless Horseman!

I do not know what the obsession is with putting blankets on his head, but it makes for some entertaining moments. 

Today Charlie decided to hang his sheet on his head and ride his trusty steed off into the sunset.

Ella has an obsession with draping clothes over her head. 

Is this normal? Do they think they are invisible? 

Hoppy Update

Charlie is now 3 years old, Ella just turned one, the wife is about to turn 29 again and I forget how old I am.

It is amazing watching our children grow and develop their own personalities. Charlie is cautious and kind. He loves to entertain however, he is a bit shy outside of the walls of our home. From the performances we have witnessed recently I believe he may become a Chipendale dancer. The boy has some moves.

Ella is always happy unless she is hungry. She is quite the comedian and even though she only says "Da-Da, Hi and Bye" clearly, she will talk your head off. She is a Daddy's girl and loves to cuddle. I sense boy trouble in the future.

Parenting is tiring, stressful, worrisome and awesome all at the same time. We were blessed to have one child and could not believe that we had been blessed with a second. I am balding at an alarming rate, but it is worth it. 

I have plenty of stories to share and will do my best to post them soon. 

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Check out Tsu!

I just came across the new social media site Tsu. Tsu is putting a new twist on social media by sharing the ad revenue with the users. How would you like to own your post and information along with generating some additional cash? This is not a signup and get rich plan however, it would be nice to put a few extra cents in your pocket everyday while you are feeding your addiction to social media. I know that my wife will be rich by the end of next week if you get paid by the hour.


Tsu generates revenue from ads just like all of the other sites. Tsu keeps 10% of the revenue and distributes the other 90% to the users based on activity and an algorithm that they have generated. You can connect Tsu with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You do not have to enter any bank information to receive your funds however, you do have to be at the minimum of $100 to cash out your royalties. Once you are ready to cash out you enter your address and they send you a check.


The layout is very similar to Facebook. The site is very basic, easy to use and looks very clean. They just launched publicly on Tuesday so I am sure that many changes will come with the capital that was generated.


Signup and start posting here http://tsu.co/HoppsTackle. Use HoppsTackle as the "short code" for your referral.


Happy posting!

No Scare Backs!

At the end of the day I like to relax on the couch and enjoy a light snack. I really love to chop off a hunk of cheddar cheese and enjoy the mild flavor melting in my mouth. This evening, like many other evenings, I prepared my command station in the living room then made my way to the kitchen.

I opened the fridge, retrieved the cheese block and cut off a 3/4 inch by 2 inch chunk. I then evenly sliced the chunk into symmetrical blocks. I placed the knife in the sink, the cheese block in the fridge and turned to make my way to "command central".

I just stepped to the doorway and placed a block of cheese in my mouth. The hallway was dark and my sense of taste was heightened due to the lack of my visual sensory. The first cheese block was perfect. My sense of hearing was also elevated due to the darkness. I was in the cheese zone when out of the darkness I heard a demonic voice say "Heeeeyyyy!"

Needless to say I nearly s@&t my pants and jumped a mile. I'm pretty sure my head hit the ceiling. Luckily I did not drop my cheese. My natural instinct caused me to reply with a demonic sounding "whaaaaatttt?" Apparently the demon that was stalking me was not expecting me to reply and especially not expecting me to be so close. 

I heard some startled rustling on the stairs followed by laughter. It turns out that the demonic voice was coming from my wife. In her attempt to quietly summons me from the steps her whisper came out quite raspy. She was also unaware that I was right at the bottom of the steps. She startled me and in return my reply startled her. I was obviously not as scared of her as she was of me because I did not drop to the ground in the fetal position like Jamie did.

From now on we will just stick to our signature whistles and clicks. Demonic whispers in the dark are not a good idea. 

No Diego No!

I was keeping my Betta fish in a small aquarium while I tried to cure it of fin rot. I changed the water regularly and cleaned the tank often. I used a large syringe because it was a great way to get the waste off of the bottom.

I was cleaning the aquarium tonight as I normally do, but the syringe was not functioning normally. I believe the stopper was damaged or it became deformed in the dishwasher. It was very hard to draw the syringe back to suck up the water. I was trying to be very gentle yet use a lot of strength to continue the process. Charlie was "helping" me and trying to feed Diego (the Betta) while I was changing the water.

On the first draw of water I pulled back the syringe and BAM! Water went everywhere. Charlie had a look on his face like "What the heck just happened?" I was covered in water. I was in shock for a moment while I processed what just happened. I put the syringe in the sink and grabbed some paper towels. I turned to clean up the mess and could not believe what I saw.

I look at Diego and realized that his body was no longer attached to the face that was looking back at me. I somehow beheaded Diego. Poor Charlie was still trying to feed the fish as I tried to convince him that Diego had to go to the ocean with Nemo. Luckily he did not understand the tragic event that just took place. 

I showed Jamie what I just did and Charlie chimed in with "Fish is sick." We gave Diego the highest honor funeral a fish can have. We sent him to the local water treatment plant via a beautiful white porcelain throne flushing ceremony.

She was looking at me!

Jamie and I dropped Charlie off at Maw Maw's house and headed to the big city to do some shopping. Jamie wanted jeans and I wanted an airbrush. It sounds pretty random, but it's not. I've started a fishing tackle company. You can check it out at www.hoppstackle.com. Back to the main subject. Jamie needed jeans.

We pulled up to Old Navy, I locked and loaded the stroller, unloaded the new kid and we skipped into the store. Oh the joys of having a few hours without someone saying "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy..." You hear the birds chirping, rainbows appear and golden warrior unicorns surround you as if you are a Roman Emperor. No, we did not have possession of or use recreational or prescribed narcotics. Your mind just becomes very clear when your two year old is at Maw Maw's house. You know he is safe, being fed and driving her insane.

We walked through the door of Old Navy and were immediately met by a very nice lady that knew a lot about Old Navy jeans. I found it quite ironic that she was wearing jeans, but they were not Old Navy. She gave Jamie the rundown on skinny does not mean waist and legs, it means ankle, these are flirty, these are someone's boyfriends jeans, boot cut, hip cut, short cut, wide, narrow, cotton, leather, made by elves, on and on. 

Jamie selected two styles and headed to the dressing room. I picked up Ella so that she could look in the mirror at herself. That is when I started to notice the lights dim, the music slow and the breeze begin to pickup. The wife was out of sight and the ladies were on the prowl. 

One lady looked at me, did a little finger wave while her hair flowed in the breeze and said "How cute.." Another girl must have been really shy because she kept covering her eyes with her hands and then opening them while blowing kisses. She kept saying "Hey Boo." I thought it was a little early for pet names. Then there was what I like to call a peripheral flirt. The shy girl that wants an eye full, but does not want to get caught looking because if she looks into your eyes she will fall under your spell and stalk you. She would peek and smile and quickly turn away when I looked in her direction.

I was honest with Jamie about all of the women that were looking at me. She said that they were probably just looking at Ella. I brushed that off as an absolutely incorrect assumption. Maybe the shy lady whispering "Hey boo" with her hands over her eyes was interested in Ella, but peripheral flirt girl was definitely into me. 

"Whatever Dad"

Oh Brother!

Ella is becoming more and more aware of her surroundings everyday. She is discovering new objects to stare at and responds to familiar voices. She gets very excited when she hears Charlie's voice. Surprisingly, she can sleep through the incredible amount of noise that is produced by her big brother.

Charlie wakes up every morning and the first thing he does is find his "El" and says "Good morning El." He gives her a kiss on the head then turns his attention to a busy day of playing.

Now that Ella is more alert and is beginning to identify faces and voices, she must be thinking "Here comes that boy again." Between the constant train sounds and elephant noises, a person can go mad pretty quickly.

Just take a look at this picture. Charlie is belting out one of his train whistle sounds. Ella appears to be saying "Oh Brother."

These two kiddos already have an incredible bond. I hope that it continues. Hopefully Ella does not go insane from the noise and craziness that a two year old boy produces.

Catching Our Breath

Wednesday will mark Ella's fourth week of life. It has been a crazy, wonderful and trying four weeks. The first two weeks after Ella's birth were filled with illness and complications. Ella has been perfectly healthy, but Jamie and Charlie experienced a few rough days.

Jamie had a c-section on Wednesday, stomach virus on Saturday and developed mastitis the following weekend. Charlie experienced a few days of virus like symptoms. I was doing my best to play nurse, Daddy and taking on motherly task. Administering medicine to Jamie, playing with Charlie, loving on Ella and keeping up with the house was challenging. Breast feeding was rough, but I got the hang of it after a few tries.

Charlie has been great however, he had a few meltdowns. It is a big deal when you bring a new baby home. The attention now has to be split and two year olds do not quite understand what is going on. Everything has settled down now and Charlie is an excellent big brother. Watching him interact with Ella is the sweetest thing ever. Ella loves Charlie just as much as he loves her. She lights up when she hears his voice. Charlie runs to the rescue when he hears Ella cry.

Charlie is talking and talking and talking. The boy talks all day long about everything. He knows the alphabet, he can count to 16 and he still loves trains. Watching him observe everything around him reminds me of my childhood. I wanted to know how everything worked and why. I am waiting for that word to start popping up on a regular basis. Why this and why that? 

Ella is growing however, she is still an itty, bitty lady bug. The poor girl looks just like her daddy. I think that her hair is going to be the color of her Mommy's. Maybe one day she will break seven pounds.

Adjusting to two children has been pretty easy. We have settled into a routine and we can actually load up and get out of the door relatively quickly. It is amazing how your heart has enough room to love two human beings so much. I think that I am ready to add a third.

Big Brother!

We brought our beautiful new baby girl home yesterday. We were so excited for Charlie to meet her in our own environment. He did not pay attention to her in the hospital, but he soon realized she was here to stay. 

After loving on Mommy and Daddy he started to check out his new little sister. Once it clicked that he was the big brother he transformed into a whole new person. He wanted to hold her, carry her, put her in the swing and make sure everything was perfect.

As soon as you say "We need to change Ella's diaper." He runs and grabs a diaper, the wipes and Desitin. He brings us her blankets and makes funny faces at her. She loves to hear Charlie's voice. Charlie bought Ella a little stuffed lamb for her birthday. He makes sure that she has it at all times.

Our parents came to welcome us home and Charlie was proud to show off his "El". He watched her like a hawk. When some one picked her up and held her he kept his eyes on them. No one was going to take his "El". If she whimpered he jumped up and checked out the situation. He made sure that she had her binky and she was not being hurt.

Charlie wanted to feed Ella, but we had to explain that fruit snacks are not in her diet. When we told him she drank milk he went to the refrigerator and grabbed the gallon of milk and his sippy cup. He is trying to help and it is adorable. If he loses sight of Ella he flips. "Where El?!? Where El?!?" You better show him where El is or he will hunt her down. I don't think that I will have to worry about boys. 

I took Charlie up to bed and he had a meltdown. He patted on the bed and said "Ellllll!" I asked if he wanted Ella to sleep with him and he nodded yes with his pouty lip and a tear in his eye. I had to explain that Ella has to stay with Mommy and he settled down. 

I laid with him since we had not been together in two days. He wrapped his arms around my neck and shoved his head into my shoulder as tight as he could. He was so glad to have me back home. 

The transition has been pretty good. He has had a few breakdowns which I have attributed to jealousy and exhaustion. I sat him down and had a talk with him. I don't know if a two year old really comprehends how Mommy and Daddy can love two children, but he has been fine since then. It is amazing to see how Charlie's big brother instincts kicked right in. 

God has blessed me/ us, with a beautiful family. We have a great support system, great parents, grandparents, siblings and aunts and uncles. Thank you to everyone for all of your help and gifts.

In Six Days!

In six short days my baby girl will be secure in my arms. She will look up at me and my heart will melt. She will be the princess of my kingdom and the most precious flower in my garden. She will do-no-wrong in my eyes and her every wish will be granted.

In six short days I will become a nervous wreck. I will look at every male as if he is a predator trying to prey on my daughter. I will clean my guns regularly while wearing full camouflage. I will have a look in my eye that can steal a soul. I may even dress in full Spartan warrior attire just in case little Johnny gets too close to my Ella on the playground.

Charlie already has me wrapped around his finger. I come home with a new toy for him every time I go to Kroger. What am I going to do when my baby girl says "Daddy, I want..."? I am going to be broke! 

Other than being a protector and a walking ATM I fear that I may have to learn a few other trades. A few of those trades being a hairdresser, a tea maker, a florist and a cosmetologist. How much blush is too much? Are pig tails okay everyday? 

In six days I will become Prince Charming, a super hero and most importantly, a father. I guess that the best and most important thing that I can do for my baby girl is love her, teach her how valuable she is and show her how a woman should be treated. 

Wish me luck.

I'm just going to close the door!

Jamie has been experiencing some abdominal pain and at 34 weeks pregnant that is a bit concerning. We spent three hours at the hospital this morning 4am-7am to be sent home with 0 findings or diagnostics. We are back again tonight, well, this morning for an MRI. The baby is fine, but we suspect that Jamie may have appendicitis.

As usual I try to lighten the mood by being a smarta#% or making jokes. I embarrassed my poor wife when the nurse was asking about metallic objects in or on her body prior to going in the MRI machine.

The nurse asked "Do you have a rectal thermometer in your bottom?" 

I could not pass up this perfect opportunity to make everyone in the room pee their pants. I quickly blurted out "No, but she keeps a few batteries up there." 

I thought Jamie was going to die. The nurse burst into laughter and the poor paramedic student did not know wether to laugh or leave the room then laugh. Success! Another audience pleased by my performance.

Jamie went back for the scan and the nurse asked if I needed anything. Several things came to mind. 

1. Wifi connection

2. Some Reese's Cups

3. A chocolate milk

4. Sleep

I replied with number 3, chocolate milk. She said the cafeteria would not be open for another one and a half hours. I said "S#%t! i love the hospitals chocolate milk." I settled for a Coke and returned to the room to wait on Jamie. As I was walking back I heard "The baby is falling out again!" Another perfect setup that I could not let slip away. I told myself to just keep walking, but I could not let it go. I blurted out "Get a plunger and push it back up!" Another audience pleased. This time I got the clerk, the security guard, a doctor and a patient. Her baby almost fell out from laughing so hard.

With nothing else to do to pass the time I decided to test out the functions of the hospital bed. I spread out the stirrups and set my feet. I began to pretend that I was in the space shuttle preparing for take-off. People were walking by, but no one paid attention to the random guy in the birthing triage room by himself. 

I continued to explore the other tools and monitors in the room. Still, no one paid any attention. It was not until I was laid back with my feet in the stirrups and the fetal monitors on my stomach that anyone said anything. 

The nurse poked her head in and said "I'm just going to close the door." Score for me! Another satisfied client of the "what in the H-E-double hockey sticks is this guy doing" club.

I love the hospital. The people here see all kinds of crazy things that they do not even ask questions. They just close the doors.

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