The Blowout!!

I have officially been Through the fatherhood right of passage known as the "blowout". I was familiar with the blowout before I became a father, but I never had to "deal" with the situation. Thank you Charlie for breaking me in. (sarcasm)

I knew that babies sometimes get a belly ache and have a little trouble moving their waste when you transition between milk and formula. I was not expecting the movement to happen all at once.

My poor son was whimpering in discomfort throughout the night and we did what we could to console him. We called the doctor and she said to wait a little bit longer before getting concerned. The next thing I knew my 8 day old child looked up at me and said "hey dad, check my diaper now".

I was immediately shocked to find that nuclear reactor 1 had melted down in my child's diaper. Of course it was my turn for the change and I dreaded what was about to transpire. One million thoughts ran through my head, am I going to vomit, will it burn if it gets on my hand, can I hose him down, etc...?

I approached the contaminated area with caution and laid the package on the changing pad. I opened the iron clad flaps of the now loaded diaper and prepared for the worst scene ever. I began to decontaminate the area when all of a sudden the sprinkler system activated. The whole area was flooded. The sprinkler startled Charlie and his foot entered the contaminated area. I was not very excited about all of the events that had just taken place.

I had no idea where to start. Do I clean the foot, no need to cover the sprinkler now, do I clear the initial mess or do I wipe down the wall? Oh lord, why didn't anyone give me an owner's manual with this child?

I gained control of the situation and all turned out well, but I earned a badge of honor in the process. To all of the new fathers and fathers-to-be out there, prepare for the blowout. It is not a matter of if, but when!